To all the boys i've loved before...

Mayda del valle
to all the boys I’ve loved before

part 1:
we are not your mothers
and are not meant to be
it is not our responsibility to raise you into respectful beings
you have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
yet you come to us
wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time
trying to suckle our sense of self dry
we’ve become much to accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows
have become accustomed to waiting for our empty beds
to be weighed down with the bodies of men heavy with the scent
and the hands of other women
mornings with swollen puffy eyes are becoming routine
and we simply wanting to be loved
simply wanting to be able to love ourselves unconditionally
simply wanting to be held and feel safe
simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not
play Hester Prynn
wear scarlet letters on our chests
become adulteresses
cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
willing to settle for less
willing to act like a little less than a goddesses
willing to sleep with the enemy
men too scared to stop acting like boys
thinking we can love away their scars
so we take the lashes of the insecurities they pour on us
and lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls we lose by the minute
fast fading memories of playing hopscotch
and skippin’ rope
we now play freeze tag with each other’s hearts
play hide and seek with our love
if we just don’t breathe maybe we won’t get caught
up in the spider’s web we weave while waiting for what we give away to be returned

part 2:
you said you had a photographic memory
but apparently you forgot that honesty
begins by being real with yourself
and the ones you claim you love
should have never wasted my time
and just acted like the man you claimed and told the world you were
made a production of setting my folks at ease with tales of how you’d do all it ever took to never break my heart
I guess you thought you were talking to a roomful of the deaf and blind
figured they didn’t hear you
coz I never saw it coming
but the truth cannot be hidden
what’s clouded in darkness will always come to light my love
you shoulda known that
claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
so I left
chasing paper trails of promises you’d already set on fire
left with nothing but the ashes of who you’d written that you were
and singed fingers from trying to grasp the impossible
and the only thing I’ve really lost
are lukewarm kisses
that for too long I kept trying to tune the beat of my heart, a few lies, and stories
about honesty and truth
I guess shit happens
I just wish it wasn’t me
and I guess
it’s so much better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all
I know that’s some easy shit to say
but I’m still gonna try to live by it
I’m still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it
I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shining
full of the knowledge I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove the scarlet letter from my chest and hold the hand of the little girl I used to be
and say I’m sorry to her
I’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
and I will wait
for a man
to come along
that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

.

how could you run off on me, how could you run off on US...

You keep telling me to be glad
for what we had
while we had it
that the brightest flames burns quickest
which means you saw us as a candle
and I saw us as the sun...



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"Pero sus ojos de amor eso no ven..."

Y me ah roto el corazón más de una vez
lo perdono siempre me rindo a sus pies
Esa es mi filosofía
amarlo sin medida
mi amor es sordo y ciego

y yo muero por ti

Es un amor casi enfermizo
obediente Excede la normalidad

Y muero por tí

No veo los pliegues
ni los fallos en su cuerpo
el es mi todo mi verdad
(hechizada)
No puedo abandonarlo
me a fallado y en instantes
le doy Otra oportunidad

Y muero por tí


.

You let go, and I'll let go too...

Going back to an old love is like reading an old book again... You know exactly how the story ends. So why do I continue to let u in when I know how this is gonna end up? Simply because I'm foolish in love with who I thought you were. Sadly I've realized you will never be that man I need you to be. You say that I'm not the same person I was before, but you're not that same guy I fell for either.
The biggest mistake we make in a relationship is to try and turn it back to how it was at a beginning, that shit don't NEVER work there is no such thing as turning back the hands of our time. It hurts like hell to give up on us but it hurts even more for me to continue to try. It's pointless for me to stick around when all I do is get upset at this person that you've become, it's been this way for a while now I just can't take it no more.
I can't really put into words how much pain you've caused and the endless tears I cried over you, that can't be healthy to let this go on that way. I wish I could somehow make you see how much I truly do care for you and how disappointed and hurt iam at the fact that you play with my heart time and time again when we both know I don't deserve that, not from you. I've taken so much from you I'm ashamed to admit I've stuck around for this long, sacrificed my self-worth, and swallowed my pride just to please you before i pleased myself smh.
Hopefully one day you'll realize that I honestly did care for you and would have done anything to make us work out. My feelings were real and I always knew what I wanted when it came to us but when you started movin funny that's when I started second guessin. If you're not willing to sacrifice certain things for me like I have for you, then i will no longer give my all to you. You've had my heart for so long now I think it's time I take back whats mine. I believe I'll always care for you and I'll probably think about you and us for years to come because that's just how deep my feelings were for you. But for now this is my goodbye.
Goodbye to everything that was us including the laughs and heartbreak that came with it all
I guess I'll see you around.

When you're gone...

It feels like
my whole world's gone with you
i thought love would be my cure
but now it's my disease
i try to act mature
but I'm a baby when you leave...


how can i ever get used to being without you?

.

Y mientras tanto yo te espero sentada...

Una llamada
que me dices que vendras
y te espero sentada
se que hoy ya no vendras

Aqui ya no vale el perdon
de que me sirve amarte?
aqui la afectada soy yo
ya no voy a buscarte mas...

te vas
me voy
y ninguno de los dos
dice nada
hace nada

Una esperanza... (tuyo es mi corazon)

Aunque te fuiste...

Y no fue facil, tenerte y perderte...

.

I kinda wonder if I cross your mind...

MAYBE YOU MY EX CUZ YOU CROSSED THE LINE...


.

Who's that talkin in the library...

Who's that talking in my library?
Is that you?
no I won't put you out
cuz what would this place be
without my muse?
(Nothing special)
Every book in here I wrote
some I'm not too proud of
Some I wish I could burn.
So many pages I wrote
wish I could revise them
But there's no erasing
and the best advice I got was
keep writing.


.

am i dreaming or am i sleep walking...

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